Love Among the Ruins
by Finduilas88
Summary: Amidst the chaos of Saradush, the PC is forced to make a very personal, and very painful, choice. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

_Since the next chapter of Second Choice, Second Chances is taking __**much**__ longer than expected, I thought I'd try to ease the waiting a bit by posting an older fanfic of mine. (Don't worry, it's short; I don't plan on taking __**that**__ long to finish the next chapter!)_

_Some notes:_

_The plot for this was taken from an option in the ToB Kelsey romance mod that allows the PC to sleep with Anomen if she wishes, even though she is in a relationship with Kelsey. This struck me as odd, since you are given no reason to believe that she is unhappy with Kelsey, and most players wouldn't consider their PC to be 'that kind of girl'—I know I don't! So I decided to 'fill in the blanks' and write a rationale for the PC's actions that makes them, if not sympathetic, at least understandable._

_Note that part of the dialogue is taken directly from the Kelsey mod, so if some of it doesn't sound like my usual work, that is probably why._

_Lastly, this was my very first published BG fanfic, so I'll be interested in hearing how my style has evolved—or devolved, as the case may be—since then!_

* * *

_Don't choose me because I am faithful.  
Don't choose me because I am kind.  
If your heart settles on me, I'm for the taking.  
Take me for longing or leave me behind. _

I would be, for you, a fire in a rainbow,  
I would be, for you, an opening door.  
Time and hard lessons are one kind of wisdom.  
Try to forget them or love me no more.

I'm not asking your heart to believe me.  
I'm not asking for promise or pledge.  
Whatever the answer, it's yes that's the question.  
I am the fool dancing over the edge.

Don't choose me because I am faithful.  
Don't choose me because I am kind.  
If your heart settles on me, I'm for the taking.  
Take me for longing or leave me behind.

The bard's clear voice rang through the crowded common room of the Tankard Tree, only occasionally drowned out by the thud of the catapults from Yaga Shura's besieging army. No doubt he, like most others in the room, was a traveler trapped in Saradush by the siege, and had made an arrangement with the innkeeper to trade his skills for meals and a bed. Cassandra smiled to herself. _Even in wartime you have to earn your keep._

The mood at Cassandra's table was festive despite the army camped outside the walls of the city. Earlier that day Cassandra and her group had defeated the mad Bhaalspawn half-orc, Gromnir Il Khan, ending his stranglehold on the city. Now that they could leave Saradush, they hoped to break the siege from outside.

But that was tomorrow's task. Although it was really her decision, Cassandra had let the group vote on whether to return to her Abyssal pocket plane tonight, or spend the night at the inn in Saradush. As she expected, the vote was unanimous. The pocket plane was safe and convenient, but so dismal and comfortless that everyone preferred to risk the catapults rather than give up the chance to sleep in a real bed for another night.

Red-haired Kelsey Coltrane, the group's sorcerer and her lover, was sitting by her side. He was in a buoyant mood; he had spoken with his brother Kelvim earlier in the day and reported that Kelvim was mending and would soon be well enough to travel. At the moment, however, Kelsey was deep into a conversation on mage-lore with her sister Imoen, and Cassandra found her mind wandering.

It wandered, as it had far too often of late, toward the other end of the table where the darkly handsome Priest of Helm, Anomen Delryn sat. He was flirting with one of the barmaids, and quite successfully, it seemed. Hardly surprising, she knew; with his good looks and cultured manners he was an attractive alternative to the merchants and occasional scruffy adventurer that usually came through the tavern. Still, Cassandra felt irrational irritation at the girl who had caught his attention.

The barmaid giggled and sauntered back to the bar for another round. Before Cassandra could pretend interest in something—anything—else, Anomen turned and caught her watching him. She cursed her carelessness and looked away, reddening. _Thank the gods Kelsey wasn't paying attention!_ she thought, as her heartbeat slowed to something close to its normal rate. She chanced another look at Anomen, and found him leaning back in his chair, still watching her. The expression in his dark eyes surprised her; rather than the knowing smirk she had expected, he looked…appraising…as if she were a puzzle he was determined to solve.

"Cassandra, honey," Kelsey began, jolting her out of her reverie. "Immy and I are going to go over to the Archana Archives for a while. He's got quite a collection of rare scrolls and I don't know when we'll get the chance to stock up again. Do you want to come with us? It could be a couple of hours…his organization is pretty bad so it takes a while to find what you want."

"Spending hours searching through a bunch of dusty scrolls or claiming the best spot in that big bed upstairs, hmmm, what a tough choice!" Cassandra smiled. "It's been a long day, and I hope you don't mind if I pass on the scrolls and get some sleep."

"I thought you'd say that. Sleep well, dear." Kelsey gave her a quick kiss and started toward the door. There was a near miss from one of the catapults, close enough for the impact of the fireball to rattle the tankards on the table.

"Hey, you two," Cassandra said, "take some precautions when you're out in the street."

"Will do," Kelsey replied, and a silver shimmer encased both their bodies. Kelsey smiled and said, "That's my Cass, always watching out for me." He and Imoen headed out into the night.

She wondered, not for the first time, whether it would have been wiser to leave Saradush immediately. Cassandra had considered insisting that they return to the pocket plane, but knew that Kelsey wanted to spend what time he could with his brother. It was still going to be very hard for Kelsey to leave Kelvim and his lady, Mirena, behind in the besieged city when Cassandra's party departed in the morning.

She said her goodnights to the rest of the party, carefully avoiding Anomen's eyes, and made her way to the stairs that led to the room she and Kelsey shared. She was just starting down the hall to her room when she realized she was not alone; Anomen had followed her. Gods, for such a big man he could move quietly when he wanted to!

"My lady, could I have a word with you, in private?" His face belied his casual tone of voice; it held the same questioning—almost challenging—look she had seen earlier. He did not touch her, nor even approach more closely than appropriate for two people who had been close companions for several months, but still, his nearness made her heart race.

"Anomen, I'm tired. We can talk tomorrow." She considered making a cowardly dash for her room, but found he had maneuvered himself so she would have to pass him closely in the hall to do so.

"This cannot wait, and I suspect you know well why not." He replied, his eyes never leaving her face.

The sensible, responsible part of her brain clenched in panic and frantically began searching for a way to prove him wrong. Meanwhile, the part of her heart that thrilled to his nearness sang with joy.

"I have noticed you staring quite intently at me as of late, Cassandra, and if it was because of a spot on my armor I am sure you would have said so by now. We are adults, I owe nothing to anyone, and you can speak plainly to me if there is something you wish."

He still did not touch her, but he stepped nearer, near enough that she thought she could feel the heat of his body through his tunic. He was wearing his favorite tunic, the one he wore on special occasions. It was fine linen and decorated with embroidery, and she suspected he knew only too well how well it set off the muscles of his chest. She wanted to touch him, follow the lines of embroidery on his tunic, and caress his face.

She looked away, hoping it would help her find a way to deny what she was feeling. It was not enough.

Instead, Cassandra heard herself saying "And I suspect you know what I wish." She still could not meet his eyes, but she heard his quick intake of breath.

Finally, he touched her, gently pulling her chin up so her eyes met his. For the first time, he smiled. "Aye, my lady, I have suspicions—even hopes—of what you may wish of me. But this is one time when that is not enough. Even if my suspicions are correct, you _must_ speak plainly; there can be no doubt that this is your choice."

She knew then that he was offering her a way out; if she wished, she could still deny her heart, send him away, and go back to the life she had built with Kelsey. And that was plainly what she _should_ do; but the thought that she would never know Anomen's touch was like a blade in her heart. More than anything in her life, she wanted this. She wanted _him_.

Cassandra looked up at Anomen and momentarily lost herself in his dark eyes. Finally, she found the words she needed. "You. I want you," she whispered.

His smile broadened. "Ahhh, how refreshing, a woman who does not fear to be direct! In this, as in all things, your wish is my command." He ran his fingers through her hair, gently cradling the back of her head, and at the same time slipping his other arm around her waist and pulling her close. Their lips and bodies met. She opened her mouth to receive his kisses, which she returned with equal urgency. The press of his body against hers inflamed her, body and soul, until she felt she would surely melt away in his arms. One of his hands found its way under her blouse and was caressing her skin with a gentleness that made her knees weak. He spoke again, his voice rough with desire. "My lady, my Cassandra, how I have longed for this, dreamed of the day I could kiss you and hold you in my arms…"

They were interrupted by a step on the stairs, and sprang apart, both breathing heavily. Fortunately, the man was a stranger, and Cassandra breathed a sigh of relief. Considering their flushed faces and disordered clothes, Cassandra was sure that no one would believe that they had just been having a friendly conversation. The man passed them with a knowing look. When he was out of sight, Anomen caught her hand and smiled. "My lady, I think it would be wise if we were to continue this discussion someplace more private." He kissed her hand tenderly. "Your beauty would grace the most splendid accommodations in all of Faerun, and it sorrows me that I cannot offer such to you. However, my room is nearby and we will not be interrupted there."

Cassandra was touched by his concern for her comfort, but couldn't help but think about the large and comfortable room that waited for her down the hall, and the bed she shared with Kelsey. It was one thing to _say_ she wanted Anomen, but quite another to take that first, irrevocable step away from her old life and toward something new and much more uncertain. Worse, if she went with Anomen, there was no way she could defend her actions as anything other than a betrayal of the man who had been her faithful lover and loyal friend for many months.

Anomen, concerned that she had not responded to his invitation, touched her cheek. "Cassandra?"

She glanced up at him and saw in his face a look of such tenderness that her breath caught in throat. It was gone in an instant, but with it her fears and reservations also disappeared, replaced by a fierce joy the like of which she had never felt before. She squeezed his hand. "Anomen, your room will be fine. All we really need is some privacy" She smiled and in low voice, added, "Though a bed would be nice, too."

Anomen stilled, and seemed to stop breathing entirely for a few seconds. Then he chuckled and held her close, whispering intently, "My lady, let us go before I commit an impropriety that would scandalize all of Saradush."

His room was not far, just upstairs and down a short hall from where they where they had been standing. By unspoken agreement nothing else was said until they were in his room with the door bolted behind them. Despite her earlier eagerness, Cassandra suddenly felt shy and unsure in his presence. Anomen seemed to sense her nervousness, and at first simply held her and gently kissed her face and neck. Soon, their kisses again became urgent and Cassandra found herself eagerly pressing her body to his, which further fuelled their desire.

Finally, he spoke. "My lady, it thrills me more than I express that you desire my touch as much as I have long yearned for yours. I had almost given up hope that such a thing would come to pass. But again, I feel I must ask, is this what you want? To lie with me this night? And what of Kelsey? Is he not still your lover?"

"Kelsey and I are no longer together." Cassandra told him. It was a lie, and one he must surely see through, she thought. But Anomen did not question her further. "Yes, Anomen, this _is_ what I want; to kiss you and touch you, to lie in your arms so that you may show your love for me. We both have waited long enough." That, at least, was the truth.

"We have indeed, my lady." He grinned. "I suppose there is nothing for it but to be helped out of this tunic, if you please."

His mood was infectious. "As you wish, my lord!" Shyness forgotten, she helped him ease the tunic over his head, her hands eager to show their appreciation for his toned and muscular body.

His voice grew husky. "Now, my beauty, I believe it is my turn." With what seemed to Cassandra to be agonizing slowness, he carefully loosened the ties to her bodice. He sensed her impatience and smiled. "Cassandra, please forgive me if I savor this moment. If you only knew how many times I have dreamed of touching you in this way." He drew her bodice over her head, and it dropped to the floor, forgotten. His hands, strong and rough from many hours of weapons drill, lingered briefly on her ribs before moving to the ties of her skirt. Much more quickly this time, he untied her skirt and pushed it down until it hung loosely around her hips. He paused, which elicited a moan of frustrated anticipation from Cassandra. Anomen chuckled and whispered "Yes, my lady?" before sliding his hands down the back of her skirt, caressing her behind as his lips sought hers for a lingering kiss. With one swift movement, he pulled her skirt and underclothes down around her ankles; one hand then traveling caressingly across her hip and chest until it briefly cupped her breast.

Anomen released her, gallantly holding her hand so she could step out of her discarded clothing. He did not embrace her again, but instead held her at arm's length to better appreciate her now unclothed body. He stared at her avidly. "By Helm, I would scarce believe it possible, but you are even more beautiful and desirable than I dreamed you would be."

She put her arms around his neck and kissed him lightly. "Anomen Delryn, there is a naked and willing woman standing before you, surely you can find a better use for your time than just looking!"

Anomen laughed. "Indeed I can." To Cassandra's surprise, Anomen did not return her kiss, but bent down, picked her up, and laid her gently on the waiting bed. "Now, my lady, it is high time I learned what Sword Coast girls know about love."

A short time later, someone approached Anomen's door. The lovers, lost in their own world, did not hear the footsteps, nor did they hear them pause and depart a few moments later, more swiftly than they had arrived.


	2. Chapter 2

_After a much longer delay than expected, here's chapter 2 of 3. In case it wasn't clear in the first chapter, this is definitely not-knight Anomen. However, whether my version of CN Anomen is more CG than CN, I'll let you decide. :-) Just a reminder, once again, some of the dialog is taken from the mod._

_And yes, Second Choices, Second Chances will go on! A whole lot of…stuff…has gotten in the way, including a broken elbow, but I'm hoping the next chapter won't take too much longer._

_Thanks for reading!_

* * *

Chapter 2

"Anomen," Cassandra began.

"Yes, my lady?" Anomen responded, stroking her dark hair as she lay across his chest. He was having some difficulty suppressing the desire to grin foolishly whenever he looked at her. He was still finding it hard to believe that the woman he had wanted for so long was finally in his arms.

He felt her tense. "I need to tell you something. I…I lied earlier, about Kelsey. There was no argument, no parting. As far as he knows, nothing has changed between us."

Anomen's voice was calm. "Aye, I suspected as much. When we were in the common room tonight, I saw no sign that anything had changed between the two of you."

"You're not angry? I was afraid you might turn me away if you knew Kelsey and I were still together."

Anomen laughed and looked at her in astonishment. "Turn you away? You must think me a far more noble and virtuous man than I truly am if you think I would give up a chance to be with you for so paltry a reason!

"Cassandra, he is not your husband, or even your betrothed. You are a grown woman well able to decide what man you wish to have share your bed." His voice softened. "Of course, I thank the gods that you have at long last chosen me.

"I am a proud man…many would say _too_ proud, with too little cause. But not when it comes to you. If this one night is all you have to offer me—well, I will not say it is enough, only a lifetime would be enough—at least I will have had one night in your arms."

She pulled him closer and asked softly, "So you still love me? You haven't said so"

He laughed again, this time ruefully. "Do I love you? Do you know how hard I have fought these last few months to set aside my feelings, to hide my love for you? How hard it was to see you give Kelsey the love and care I so wanted from you? I'm sure a more prudent man would have left your company weeks ago and spared himself the pain of seeing you two together, but I could not even bear to do that. No, my lady, even though your life…our lives…are filled with uncertainty, my love for you is one thing you never need doubt. I love you with all my heart, and will, I suspect, until the day I die."

Cassandra gave a happy cry and hugged him tightly. "My words please you, do they?" Anomen asked lightly. "That is most welcome news. Cassandra, the reason I have not spoken of my love for you before now is that I was not sure it _would_ be welcome. I did not know whether you sought my company and my bed for one night, a few nights, or a thousand."

Anomen caught her eyes and stroked her cheek. "I think the time has come for you to say what it is you wish of me; what you feel for me. The last time I spoke of my love for you, you told me that it was Kelsey who held your heart. My feelings have not changed—have _yours_?"

For a moment she was silent, seemingly too emotional to speak. Finally, Cassandra said, "Yes, Anomen, they have. I love you." Anomen's heart felt as if it would burst with joy as he pulled her close.

He smiled tenderly and touched his forehead to hers. "I do not know what I have done to merit such wondrous gift, but more than anything in this life I want to become the man who deserves your love and trust."

Cassandra touched his cheek and smiled. "You already are, my love."

"But what of Kelsey?" Anomen asked. "If we are to be together, he will need to be told that he is no longer the man in your life—and told soon."

"I know, Anomen, but how can I? I don't think he even suspects that I have feelings for you. I know you don't like him, but he has never been anything but loving and kind to me. How can I hurt him like this?"

"Cassandra, say the word and I will claim you as my own in front of Kelsey, and the world if need be!" Anomen declared grandly.

She shook her head in amused exasperation. "I know you would, Anomen. You'd probably enjoy it, too!"

Anomen grinned. "Why should I not? I have vanquished many foes before, but none have yielded so sweet a prize."

"Anomen, he's not _my_ foe!" Cassandra exclaimed.

Anomen sobered. "Apologies, my lady. I know you care for him and do not wish to see him hurt. But how can you _not_ tell him? After we have been together like this, and declared our love for each other, could you go back to him, lie with him, and pretend nothing has changed?"

"No." Cassandra said softly, unable to meet his eyes.

"He would not thank you for such a deception, either. You may consider this convenient glibness, since I do not want to lose another minute with you," he smiled and stroked her hair, "but if you truly wish to be with me, I fear that the longer you wait the angrier and more betrayed he will feel."

Cassandra sighed. "I know you're right, Anomen, but I just dread it, I dread hurting him like this!" She paused and looked thoughtful for a few moments. "But I must" she said quietly. Resolve in her eyes, she got up and began collecting her clothes.

"Now? So soon?" Anomen said in surprise. "I had hoped we could have more time together."

"You know I would like nothing better than to spend the night here with you, but I must get back to my room. If Kelsey returns and finds me missing, I am afraid he will rouse the whole inn looking for me."

Anomen raised an eyebrow. "I want the world to know of our love for each other, but perhaps not quite so precipitously. As you wish, _now_ it is. I will go with you to insure that he does not harm you in anger."

"Kelsey won't hurt me, love. And considering how you two feel about each other, your presence would certainly not make this any easier. No, this is something I have to do alone."

------------------------

Cassandra approached the door of the room she shared with Kelsey and saw with horror that it was open slightly and light was coming from within. _Oh gods! He's back already!_ she thought. _But perhaps he has just returned and isn't concerned by my absence._

She took a deep breath to steady herself, and tentatively pushed the door open. Kelsey was sitting on the bed fully clothed, his head in his hands. He looked up at the sound of the door opening, and one glance at the frozen mask of his face told her all she needed to know. He _knew_. Somehow, he knew.

He stared at her without speaking. Not knowing what else to do, she said, "K-kelsey?"

His voice startled her. "You know, Cassandra, I was just sitting here wondering what excuse you would give me for not being here when I returned. What lie you would tell to keep me from finding out that you were _screwing Anomen_!"

He got up and began to furiously pace the room. "I came back early, you know. I was actually feeling guilty about leaving you alone so I came back to spend some time with you. When I got back and you weren't here I was a little concerned. I thought Jaheira might know where you were so I went to her room to ask her."

He stopped and stared off into the middle distance for a moment, and then turned stony eyes to her face. "Did you know that Jaheira's room is just down the hall from Anomen's?" She shook her head mutely, too dazed to speak. "I didn't either. Hells, I had no idea where his room was. So imagine my surprise when I heard your voice…and _his_ voice, coming from that room. Saying things and…and…doing things to each other that I thought—naively, as it turns out—that you only did with me."

Kelsey's voice hardened. "How long has this been going on? How many times have you slept with Anomen? I think I deserve to know."

Cassandra did her best to keep the quaver out of her voice as she answered him. "Tonight was the first time—the only time. We…I didn't plan for it to happen, it just happened."

"Oh, and I suppose now you are going to say that it was all a terrible mistake." Kelsey's voice was bitter. "That you're sorry, and to trust you that it will never happen again."

Cassandra knew there was no point in trying to soften the blow. "No, Kelsey," she said quietly. "I came back here tonight to tell you that I love Anomen and want to be with him." Cassandra thought Kelsey could not look more pained and stricken than he had before. She was wrong.

Kelsey was momentarily shocked speechless. "You are telling me that you not only slept with Anomen, but you are in love with him and you are going to leave me for him?" He paused for a moment, and when he continued, his voice shook with emotion. "Am I that worthless to you that a few words from another are all it takes for you to abandon me? After I stand by you, believe in you, fight for you... What is it that I did not do for you? What would drive you to—to him? Does he hold you when the Slayer taunts you inside, or when you are too tired from battle to stand? Has he spent hours lying awake watching over you, kissing your forehead to try to stop the nightmares?"

Cassandra turned away, unable to bear the pain in his eyes. "Kelsey, you have been as loving and supportive as any woman could wish for, and I care for you very much. That hasn't changed." She looked up, forcing herself to meet his eyes, all the while wishing there was _something_ she could say to make this easier for him. "What _has_ changed is that now I know I love Anomen want to be with him."

Kelsey exploded. "That's another thing I don't understand! If this was the only time you've been together and you say you didn't even plan it, how could you possibly be in love with the man? I can't believe he's that good in bed."

Cassandra sat down on the bed; when she spoke, her voice shaking with emotion. "Kelsey, if you're determined to believe that I am a conniving, heartless woman who never really loved you, I won't try to convince you otherwise. It may even bring you some comfort to believe that. But if you really want to know what I think caused this mess, why I love Anomen, I can try to explain it to you. I'm not trying to excuse what I did, and I know it won't make it any easier or less painful for you, but if you want the truth, I can give you that."

After several days in Saradush, they rarely consciously noted the thud of the missiles from the catapults; it had become a normal accompaniment to every conversation. But this one they heard. It screamed over the inn in its flight and hit with a deafening crash that shook the entire building. Without thinking, Kelsey rushed to Cassandra's side and took her in his arms.

It was soon obvious that their part of the inn had not been hit and the danger was over, and Kelsey awkwardly released her. But Cassandra clung to him, her resolve melted by his familiar embrace. She sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Kelsey, I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want to hurt you! I'm so sorry!" Kelsey did not respond, but held her for a few moments until she regained her composure and pulled away.

Kelsey looked at her tear-stained face and sighed. "I must be the biggest fool in the Realms, Cassandra, but if you want to tell me the truth, I'll listen."

Her voice still ragged from crying, Cassandra asked him, "Do you remember the day after we liberated De'Arnise Keep? When Anomen tried to force you to leave the group, and then demanded that I choose between the two of you?"

"Of course I remember that day, it was the first time you told me you loved me. It was the happiest day in my life except for the first time we…" Kelsey stopped short and reddened. "I remember."

"Well, that was the start of it all…"


	3. Chapter 3

_As promised, this story is short and sweet; here's the last chapter!_

_When I posted this story before, one of the comments I received surprised me; the reviewer thought it seemed incomplete since I don't say definitively whether Cassandra made the right choice or not. Although my general feeling is that she **did **make the right choice for her, to my mind this story is more about making **hard** choices rather than the 'right' one, necessarily._

_In any case, I hope you enjoy it, and that it at least makes Cassandra's rationale for acting as she did a little more understandable and sympathetic._

_Thanks for reading!_

* * *

Chapter 3

Anomen cautiously approached the door of the room that Cassandra shared with Kelsey. It had taken all his resolve not to rush to her aid when the near miss from the catapult had shaken the inn. Now he was growing concerned that Cassandra had not returned from speaking to Kelsey, and could no longer bear to wait in suspense.

The door was partially open, and all was quiet. Anomen sighed in relief. Though he would have never admitted it aloud, deep in his heart was the nagging fear that he would find the door closed and bolted against him, proof that Cassandra had changed her mind and decided to stay with Kelsey.

He silently approached the room, and through the open door he could see Cassandra sitting on the bed alone, with her arms wrapped around her knees. She had been crying. As he hurried across the room to her side, he noticed the room was disordered, as if someone had packed and left in a hurry.

"Cassandra! Has he harmed you?" She raised her tear-streaked face to him and held out her hand.

"Oh, Anomen" she cried, as he folded her in his arms. She regained some of her composure. "No, he didn't hurt me. But he's…he's gone. I told him I would leave and tried to convince him to at least stay the night, but he refused. He said he couldn't bear to stay in this room another moment."

"So it is done?" Anomen asked, with a look of mingled relief and triumph in his eyes.

"It's done. May the gods be my witness, after all our battles, I have never felt more like a murderer than I did tonight."

He gently brushed the hair away from her face. "You would not be the woman I love if you found pleasure in hurting others, especially those you care about."

"Oh, I never _meant_ for anyone to get hurt, that's true, but it was still my foolish choices that caused this to happen." Cassandra replied.

Anomen looked alarmed. "My lady, I hope you are not saying that you regret what happened between us tonight!"

She touched his face. "No, Anomen, that's not what I meant. I think tonight I finally made the right choice, the _best_ choice; for me, anyway, if not for Kelsey. You see, this really started all those months ago when you tried to get Kelsey to leave and asked me to choose between the two of you.

"Neither of you could have known—and I've never told anyone before tonight—how deeply divided my heart was at that time. I simply did not _know_ which one of you I truly loved and wanted to be with. I think if I had had more time I might have made a better, wiser, decision." She smiled at Anomen and squeezed his hand.

Anomen paled and looked aghast. "Cassandra, had I but known…"

She waved away his protest. "Anomen don't blame yourself, you couldn't have known. I could have—and should have—told you both that I wasn't ready to make a decision and just accepted the consequences. It's rather funny, in a way, that I have calmly faced down liches and dragons, but when it was two men who loved me and asked me to choose between them, I panicked. I made a hasty decision because I was afraid I might lose both of you."

"But still, you chose. In the end, why did you choose Kelsey?" Anomen asked.

Cassandra looked embarrassed. "I hate to admit this, but I think it was partly because I was irritated with you for making me choose.

"But more importantly, I think it was because he seemed the safer choice. Remember, it was right after you had been dismissed from the Order, and you were still so angry, and so…_wild_ then." She glanced at him, trying to judge his reaction to her words.

"Cassandra, you needn't try to spare my feelings. I remember all too well how I felt, and how I behaved then. After losing the dream I had worked for so long, I felt cut adrift. I was angry at the Order, and angry at the world for betraying me. It has taken time for me to learn what kind of life I can have, and what kind of man I can be, _without_ the Order. Perhaps it would have easier to do so with your love to steady me; who can say. But I do understand how hard it would be for a woman to trust that man with her heart. Which makes me doubly glad that you feel you can trust _this_ man with your heart." He smiled at her and pulled her into his arms for a kiss.

They were silent for a few moments, content in each other's arms. Anomen broke the silence. "Cassandra, what changed your mind about Kelsey…about me? You don't have to tell me if you prefer not to, rest assured I am well content that you love me now."

Cassandra sighed. "I don't mind telling you." She looked away, lost in thought for a time. "I really did love him, you know, for a long time, and I think I still do, in a way. At first, it was wonderful. He was so gentle, so loving, and so considerate. It was 'first love' for both of us, and there were so many things to learn about each other, about love…"

"When did you realize that you loved me instead of Kelsey?" Anomen prompted.

"It didn't happen all at once… You know how it was, after we defeated Irenicus and my soul was restored to me, it finally looked like we might have peace for a time. Kelsey started planning a future for us; what we might do, where we might live, even marriage and children. But instead of being excited at the prospect of settling down with him, my heart just quailed at the thought.

"At first I thought it was because I wasn't quite ready to give up adventuring, or ready for a commitment. I told myself that would just take a little time for me to get accustomed to the idea of a "normal" life. After all, Kelsey was my one true love, what else could I want!

"Then there was you. I noticed that you were calmer, less angry, and you finally seemed at peace with your new life and your role as an adventuring warrior-priest." She smiled and touched his cheek. "You were always there to protect me or heal me when I needed it, and never asked for anything more than the chance to travel with us and help me in my quest. Sometimes, though, I thought I saw a look in your eyes that made me wonder whether you had entirely forgotten your love for me."

She smiled. "Then came the awful day when I found myself resenting the string of pretty barmaids that found their way into your bed. Not to mention that lovely creature, what was her name…Faenelle?…that you met in Suldanesselar."

Anomen reddened. "My lady…" he began.

"Oh, I don't blame you, love. That was what confused me so. I had no reason to be jealous or resentful of _any_ woman in your life. After all, I had turned you away because I loved Kelsey! Despite my best intentions, I found my thoughts turning to you more and more often, and watching you for signs that you might still care. I think I've known—or suspected—for some time that the reason I hadn't fully committed to Kelsey was that it meant giving up any chance to be with you. But I just couldn't admit to myself that I was in love with you, because I knew the cost of doing so would be terrible. Then, when you approached me tonight, I found I could no longer deny how much I desired you and wanted to be with you."

"I will be forever grateful for that, my lady." Anomen said, and kissed her eagerly.

After a few moments, she gently pushed him away. "Anomen, can we go back to your room? It just doesn't seem…right being here with you this way."

"Of course, Cassandra, I understand," he replied, and they left the room arm-in-arm.

As they neared the stairs, they saw Imoen approaching them.

"So it's true? You've left Kelsey for him?" Cassandra started to respond, but Imoen continued before she could speak. "Cassandra, could I speak to you _alone_, please?" Anomen's lips tightened but he did not protest when Imoen took her sister further down the hall where they could speak privately.

"I ran into Kelsey a little while ago, and he was raving about how you had slept with Anomen and were going to leave him. It was so sudden, at first I didn't believe him—I thought it was some kind of weird misunderstanding." She glanced at Anomen, who was waiting impatiently for them to finish. "But I guess it's true."

She looked at her sister searchingly "Cass, are you _sure_ this is what you want? _Anomen_? I know he's cute, and he's always had a thing for you, but do you think you can trust him?" Her voice dropped. "He didn't _do_ anything to you, did he?"

Cassandra, looked at her sister, amusement warring with exasperation. "Nothing I didn't want him to do, Im. I know this seems unexpected, but it's been coming for a while now. This _is _what I want, I love Anomen and he loves me." She sighed, "I'm just sorry I had to hurt Kelsey for us to be together."

Cassandra continued, "Imoen, do you know where Kelsey is now? He wouldn't tell me where he was going."

"You can hardly blame him," Imoen replied tartly. "But he told me that he was going to crash in Kelvim and Mirena's room for the night."

Cassandra sighed in relief. "Then at least he's safe for tonight."

"'For tonight' is right! He said that he's going to stay here and try to help Kelvim and Mirena get out safely. You know how bad the situation is here…even if we're able to do something about Yaga Shura, in may not be in time to save the city. There's no guarantee that they'll make it out alive."

Cassandra looked anguished. "I know, Imoen, I _tried_ to talk him out of it. I told him I would take him to the pocket plane and try to get him somewhere safe from there, but he wouldn't even consider it."

"Can't say that I blame him for that, either. I'm sure the last thing Kelsey wants to deal with is seeing you and Anomen getting all cozy." At her sister's pained look, Imoen added, "But Kelsey's a smart and capable guy. We just have to hope that's enough."

Imoen continued, "You know Cass, Jaheira is going to have a lot of not-so-nice things to say about you dumping our sorcerer and throwing the whole group into an uproar when everybody is out to get us already. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes tomorrow."

The look on Cassandra's face told Imoen that she could imagine the conversation only too well. Imoen put a comforting arm around her sister. "I like Kelsey a lot, and I don't want anything to happen to him, but if this is what you want, sis, then I'm with you. Even though I _really_ don't understand it," she added in an undertone.

Cassandra hugged her sister. "Thanks, that means a lot to me. See you tomorrow."

Imoen left to return to her own room, and Cassandra leaned against Anomen's broad chest, standing for a few moments in exhausted silence. Finally, Cassandra spoke. "Anomen, do you realize it's only been a few hours since you first approached me, here on this very spot? It seems like _years_." She smiled up at him, "Of course, parts of it were very nice."

He returned her smile. "I am glad to hear it, my love. I agree, and would even suggest that some of it bears repeating." Her answering look was all the reply he needed.

--ooo--

They lay together in silence, Anomen's small room lit only by the coals of the fire, and occasional flashes from the fireballs thrown by Yaga Shura's catapults that were visible through the small window across from the bed.

Anomen spoke. "Cassandra, my love, is something wrong? You seem troubled; are you still concerned about Kelsey?"

She sighed. "That's part of it. I was just thinking about how much simpler everything seemed when we were just trying to raise the money to rescue Imoen from Irenicus. You know, smite evil, earn some gold, and then we were a little closer to having the money for the Shadow Thieves' fee."

"Ever since Spellhold, it has gotten so much more complicated and…_personal_. Irenicus tried to use my soul to get revenge on his people, and now with this fighting between the Children of Bhaal, I just can't seem to escape what I am and the people trying to use me. If I were the only one at risk, or if it were even just the group, it wouldn't be so bad, but the stakes keep getting higher and more innocents suffer. I've always tried to do the right thing, but just like with Kelsey, my good intentions aren't enough. After everything I've…we've…accomplished, I feel so _helpless_. Helpless to keep Kelsey from harm, helpless to save Saradush..."

Anomen held her tighter and kissed her forehead. "Cassandra, I know little about prophecies and Realms-spanning battles between godlings, but regrets born of good intentions gone terribly awry I know only too well. Would that I had some profound wisdom to offer, but I have found there is naught _to_ do but awaken every morn and try anew, praying to your god that you have learned from your mistakes.

"But take heart, my love. Whatever your destiny may be, whatever forces are arrayed against you, know that you do not have to face them alone. I will be at your side, as will Imoen and the rest; with you to the last breath, if need be."

Cassandra looked at him tenderly. "I know, my love. I know."

They fell silent once again, drawing comfort from one another as they watched death rain down on Saradush.

THE END


End file.
